Asking the Nod: How can I calm my nerves in interviews?

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Asking the Nod features responses to questions brought up in coaching sessions, workshops and via submissions. Details have been changed for confidentiality reasons. If you've got a question, feel free to send it to me at donte [at] gettingthenod.com.

Nod,

I get really nervous and anxious in interviews and it’s hurting my progress to the next step of the hiring process. I can undersell myself because I just can't think of answers to questions or touch on all the areas they want. Then other times I get so excited that I just can't stop talking and I ramble. Neither of those seem to be helping me. Do you have any ideas that could help me keep my nerves in check?

Thanks,
Brief Lapses in Acquiring Necessary Knowledge

Hi BLANK,

It's normal to be nervous. You have a role you want, you're trying to sell yourself & avoid rejection, and you’ve got a lot of advice (some conflicting) to juggle. Plus, this entire job seeking/interviewing process is something you probably don't do often. It’s incredible anyone makes it through this. While it’s possible that your nerves are worse in your own head than they are in real life, you should strive to feel like you presented your best self. Here are some ideas that might help.

(A note from editor-me: These ideas feature WAY more Michael Jordan than I would have predicted. It’s the NBA playoffs as I write this and apparently basketball is taking up a lot of real estate in my brain.)

• Study your LinkedIn/resume/cover letter.
  This sounds basic but make sure to look your own materials over. Remind yourself of the progress you've made and what you want to do next. Your past set you up for this role you’re applying for. Don’t think of “selling yourself,” think of it as explaining your logical response to “Why does your background make you right for this role?” Not selling and persuading, explaining and fact sharing. It can feel like that’s an entirely different part of your brain.

  • Example: Imagine you’re Michael Jordan “applying” to join a minor league baseball team in 1993. He might say something like, “I’m pretty good at basketball but since I’m retired I want to try something new. Something people don’t know about me is that I was a promising baseball prospect in my younger days but I eventually had to focus on one sport. Now I’d like to take my chance with baseball. I know I’m older and might be rough around the edges but I’m already a disciplined professional athlete, I’m not *entirely* new to the sport, and I’m willing to be coached and earn my spot. I also think the benefits to the team and league from ticket and jersey sales would be more than worth the training I need. I’d love a shot.”
    
    In the above, the point is that MJ isn’t selling himself as the greatest baseball player. He’s speaking about what he brings to the table right now and what growth could look like. It expresses interest in the field, past related experience, how the transition could go, and the immediate benefits to the organization. It’s not selling as much as just explaining. You should know your history well enough to do something similar (even if you aren’t the greatest basketball player of all time).

• Pick a few stories.
  This gets more to the meat of what you're asking. Some of the most dreaded questions are the ones asking for specific examples. Think of a time you were taught something, a time you managed conflict, a time you led a project, etc. (more example questions here). You aren't necessarily sure where to begin or end and that can make people spiral into nervous babbling or uncomfortable silence.
  
  Rather than trying to juggle 50 different examples, figure out 2-4 experiences that cover a lot of ground. Then remind yourself of the details of those stories. The long versions. The everything versions. It's all your own experience so this is mostly to make it fresh in your mind. THEN start breaking the story into smaller chunks for specific questions. Since you have it all in your head this shouldn't be as difficult as doing so from scratch. Think of these stories as archeological artifacts, and your goal is to understand them from every angle.

  • Example: Let’s stick with Michael Jordan. In this scenario, he has to “apply” to be a basketball team manager. “Share a time when you had to learn something.” “When I won my first three championships, it was because I’d fully learned and appreciated my coach’s triangle offense. It made all the difference in how successful we could be as a team.”
    
    “What about a time you managed conflict?” “Sure, let’s go back to the first three championships. People focus on the winning but there was a lot of tension between myself and my teammates, especially Scottie Pippen. That’s bubbled to the surface over the years. We knew we had that tension and sometimes we could talk it out. Other times we would go incredibly hard at each other in practice. We’d have our blow-ups and we’d have our calmer times. Ultimately that tension made us better players and helped us win but we really had to manage our volatile dynamic to get to that point.”
    
    Do you see what’s happening there? There’s a lot to the story of the first three championships, enough that there’s probably something for a lot of different questions. For you, pick your own big stories and be able to do the same. What are the projects you’re most proud of? What can those projects demonstrate?

    • Was it your idea and did you have to get permission? (showing initiative, leadership, working at different experience levels)

    • Who else worked on the project with you? (collaboration, working cross-functionally)

    • What challenges did you have? (working through ambiguity, conflict, and adversity)

    • What did you learn on the project? What did you teach on the project? (mentorship, leadership, skills growth)

    • What was the impact? (showing results, understanding success, learning from failures, demonstrating growth)

• Take notes.
  While you’re in an interview, have a notepad and pen next to you. If they’re asking a question that has multiple parts or you’re picking up on themes they want to hear about, write those things down. Taking notes is expected and can demonstrate your diligence. The real reason you’re writing it down though is so that you don’t have to keep those extra details in your head. Tell your stories and use your notes as prompts to steer the way you say things.

  • Example: Imagine you’re applying for a role and working across disciplines and management levels is something that seems important. You could say you worked on a project with two developers, one designer, one UX researcher, and the VP of product rather than “a team of five.” If that’s less important, the latter can suffice. It’s all in your head, but you can tell whatever version makes the most sense. If they need clarification, they can still ask.

• Practice.
  This goes with the above. The only way you’re going to have all of this information at the ready is if you’re used to going through it. Go through these stories in your head. Say them out loud in a mirror. Say them on a Zoom call with just yourself. Practice with friends and family. Refine them with your coach. You may not turn into the next great orator but the less you have to dig deep to relay experiences the easier it will be to focus on confidence and poise.

• Give yourself a pep talk.
  I read somewhere that you should go through a list of 100 reasons why you're a fit for the role right before you go into an interview. I don't know that I could make a list of 100 of anything, so let's go with 30. Get those ideas top of mind as you enter the room/call. Maybe you also need pushups. Or a theme song. A poem. To look at cute animals. Whatever works for you to get you into the right headspace. Figure that out and make it a ritual.

• Breathe.
  Take a breath. The simplest thing you can do is to be deliberate in your answers. Don't blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Take a second to consider where you're trying to go with what you're about to say. Create that anticipation and then wow them with the best you you can.